woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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