Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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