Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
