I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
