If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
