Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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