I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
