Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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