He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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