i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
