i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
