I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
