I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
