I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
