It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
