Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
