Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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