I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize