What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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