TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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