even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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