I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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