your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm sobbing to NWA
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
