soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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