So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize