I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
