I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
