Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize