just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
