Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
