end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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