Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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