A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
