That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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