I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize