We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize