It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have aggressive nipples.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
