they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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