i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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