20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
