how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
BRING THE BAGELS
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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