Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
As shirtless as possible
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
