I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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