it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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