ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize