WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
