I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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