so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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