are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
