I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
