a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
