He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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