I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
