Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
