Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize