Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
