There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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