Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
