just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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