mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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