i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
