The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
