I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
