i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
