i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
