I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
