i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize