I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
