So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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