Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize