Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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