Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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