im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
