I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
