Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
