areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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