i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
