sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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