I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
