You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
