if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
