so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
