This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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