I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
