so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
