Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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