I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
