What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
