I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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