why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
