so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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