I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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