You were right. It hurts to walk today.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You are a genius and a whore.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
