i just sent this text using only my big toe
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
