Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
