you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
