I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
