Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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