Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
