I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
