it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
