If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
