take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
