its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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