Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
