You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
