Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
