Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
