I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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