i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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