No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You're like the curious george of whores
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
