He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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