While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
