So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
