Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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