Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
