Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
