My balls are so social today.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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