I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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