Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
