I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
