I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
