Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize