Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
