I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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