so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
